Caved, folded, snapped. That's what I did. Today I spent $5 on a zine. I was going to spend Sunday putting together a nice package of things and sketches and pictures to post to the author of the zine in the hope that it would be enough of a trade for them to send me a zine but when I walked past the shop that sells them I just wandered in and bought it. Seven days in to July and I broke the rules.
I've been trying to phone Elliot. I can't take any more of the silence. Three times I've phoned the rehab to be told he's at work or in an AA meeting. I'm beginning to think that he's avoiding me, I'm beginning to think that this July project is the worst thing I've ever decided to do.
What started very innocently has taken on a sinister quality. I am finding myself alone and without purpose, friends have withdrawn and I feel deserted. I know that at least one of my friends is trying to be helpful by not contacting me during July but I am bereft. I have somehow dismantled my happy busy self and all that is left is this new take on poverty and isolation. Things have been bleached and I am one step from rattle walking the hallway at home not knowing which rooms to attempt refuge in.
I've been trying to phone Elliot. I can't take any more of the silence. Three times I've phoned the rehab to be told he's at work or in an AA meeting. I'm beginning to think that he's avoiding me, I'm beginning to think that this July project is the worst thing I've ever decided to do.
What started very innocently has taken on a sinister quality. I am finding myself alone and without purpose, friends have withdrawn and I feel deserted. I know that at least one of my friends is trying to be helpful by not contacting me during July but I am bereft. I have somehow dismantled my happy busy self and all that is left is this new take on poverty and isolation. Things have been bleached and I am one step from rattle walking the hallway at home not knowing which rooms to attempt refuge in.
Comments
it is not so much a purchase but a way of perpetuating the cycle of money. one day, she will buy your book.