Aim for the apple on my head

Robert suggested that in order to boost my reader statistics I should not blog for a few days in a treat them mean keep them keen sort of campaign so I didn't blog for a day and then I thought to hell with it. I don't care a fig for statistics.

Lately I have been thinking about something I call my Death List. This is a list of people that I would like someone to telephone and inform them of my death, when I die and not right now, I am not planning to do an Elvis (the other Elvis, Elvis Presley).

The first problem is who to give the Death List to. Should it be The Spatula? She would probably be one of the first people to notice that I am dead because she is my housemate and because we have been friends for nearly twenty years she knows almost everybody in my life or at least knows all about them. However The Spatula might be upset if I died and not like to be left with a big list of people to telephone, she would also be busy advertising for a new housemate.

Perhaps Boli would be a good Death List person. He is generally very calm, he is very good at talking to people about the recently deceased, an occupational hazard of his, and he is extremely personable. However he has already agreed to take The Cat in the event of my demise and I am wondering if two items of responsibility is too much to ask from one friend.

My brother has a tiny tendency to not cope with things and so he is ruled out, he would also be very busy with my mother because she has also has a tiny non-coping streak and I can imagine them both in her kitchen being made to sit down and drink cups of tea. Other people would be making the tea.

My Father would not like this task. When his mother died he woke my brother and I up and then he went and sat in front of the television and ate chocolate ice cream straight from the container, not a bowl in sight. He stayed this way for some time, he was wearing black cotton pyjamas, leather slippers and his cotton dressing gown. I can't remember where my mother was.

Ron would be ideal because he loves telephoning people and talking about things, particularly recent events. However Ron is very busy and actually, maybe Ron would be ideal. I have known Ron almost as long as I have known The Spatula, he is good friends with my brother and my even be able to make my mother and my brother sit down and drink tea. Rita would also be good at this. I will give this some thought.

The second problem is who to put on the list. I don't want to be presumptuous and assume that people would want to know if I died, that would be embarrassing. What if they didn't care at all and it was inconvenient for them to have had the conversation and quite annoying for whoever was working their way down the list. For example what about Creamboy? I don't know him very well but I am considering beginning to think about counting him as a potential friend. Would he want to know if I died? I don't think it would matter terribly to him terribly much at this point.

I'm going to need to think about this some more, perhaps the Death List should be a who's who in the life of Dale Slamma. An exclusive inner circle of people of thought, friendship and substance. I will use a large sheet of cardboard and my best metallic crayons, it will be something to behold.

Comments

Anonymous said…
A little morbid, but of course I would want to know. I have grown fond of you as of late.
DS said…
Not morbid merely practical and also decorative. The human who invented metallic crayons is brilliant. It is traditional for people who have grown fond of me of late to send presents.
Anonymous said…
Presents imply money. Student for seven years implies none. The two are not compatible. Oh dear.
DS said…
Goodness, presents don't cost money. I usually write mine.
Anonymous said…
Happy to be in charge of The List. You say the word, I'll ring people up and tell them you're dead.
A friend of my dad's spread roumours that he had died, about six months after they finished highschool. For years afterwards this guy ran into people he knew from school, who would say, "wow man (it was the 70s), I heard you were dead!". This gave him great satisfaction to know that he had become somewhat a celebrity due to his supposed untimely demise.
DS said…
Excellent. I will give you the list.
Anonymous said…
Okay, and I'll start ringing people in two weeks?
DS said…
Ron if you're not going to be sensible about this then you don't get to be the Death List Man.
Anonymous said…
I'll be sensible, I promise!