I can't get no

A day of activities pushed out the corners of my sick and shrunken world, just a little. I wandered up to the framing shop and chose mat and frame for my Shaun Tan print. The wander home nearly did me in but I made it. Four blocks all by myself, my how I've grown. This is the new size of my universe. Four blocks. It took three hours to recover from that walk.

All day I felt an oven cranking heat through my veins. I am hot to the touch, a kettle with no water in. The Spatula left for Melbourne while I sat on the front step and watched her pull her suitcase on wheels down the street. Flying to another city seems an impossible dream in my ever shrinking world. This illness pulls down blinds and blocks out vistas.

Ron & Rita came and took me to dinner and the movies. We saw Control and from the first spare beautiful scene I flinched in my chair. It was all Artboy all the time but it shifted gears and I fell inside that isolation. When he finally does it I nearly went with him. I thought yes, you lucky bastard, I should have done that years ago. Lord knows I've tried but Sylvia was right, dying is an art and like everything else I don't do it well. These days I stand and fight.

Control is stunning. Miracle of moving stills and the focus of gaps and spaces. An astonishing tidal movement into the separate cell of self. How entranced I am by the mirrors we make of humanity.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Listening to Permanent today was a whole new experience. Such beautiful and sad sound that just leaves goosebumps.
I did like the ongoing obsession with the buzzcocks very subtle ways to cheer up a movie about such an incredible waste of true talent.