Tits ahoy

Its after midnight in The Peach. Its quiet out, light breeze, night air, slow waft of lavender from the windows. I think things are settling down. After an excellent conversation, during which I yelled fuck repeatedly, about the dastardly men ill treating my Peachettes. Grizelda produced two new tops she purchased today, one green, one blue. I held one up and yelled fuck. They are summery cotton swingy singlet style tops with a designated band for breasts. I was wondering how on earth Grizelda's tits were going to fit in the designated area so naturally I tried one on. The result was particularly hilarious. The Spatula tried the other one on and I used my handy dandy Dancing with the Tarsds style score cards to rate how well her tits fitted into the designated area. I initially gave her a 5 but then she moved the elastic down to where it is meant to be, under the breasts, and I had to revise the score to a 3. I gave myself a 1 but I only have score card from 3 to 9 so I ended up with a 3 as well. I don't know what I did before those score cards came into my life.

I was trying to work out what my least retarded outfit is so that I can wear it to a party. I suggested the "These are my bitches" shirt but The Spatula kindly commented that this is my most retarded outfit because only a retarded person would wear that top in public. She suggested my green party dress as being least retarded, Grizelda added that any tall men would be able to be distracted by looking down my top thus looking slightly retarded themselves and allowing me time to think of something unretarded to say. The Spatula then banned the word retard but added that the looking down the top strategy might be a good one. I think that all I would be able to think of to say is "Stop looking at my tits you retard". Its been a bit tits ahoy in The Peach this evening.

Comments

The designated breast spot, I understand, is known in technical bosom-wrangling parlance as a "shelf". Trouble with breast-shelving is you've got to think about whether you do it in alphabetical order, by theme, colour, size, etc.
DS said…
Thank you. I like to know the words for things.