Oh dear

Now this might be an unusual problem to have but a problem it is. Dad phoned to say happy birthday and by the way would I like his mercedes? Um, is what I said shortly followed by pardon me but did you just say would I like a mercedes?

There is a catch. I must share the car with my brother. Share a car? With my brother who lives an hour's drive away, tricky but not impossible. I immediately commenced having odd visions of wearing thick framed sunglasses and a silk scarf tied around my head blowing cigarette smoke out of red lips speeding down the highway. Did I mention that its a vintage powder blue coupe? It was an exciting vision.

I thought I will drive everywhere in my powder blue mercedes. I will roll slowly up to traffic lights staring haughtily while truck drivers look down my top and I think poorly of them. I will drive too fast on the freeway. I will wear thin pants in winter to take advantage of the seat warmers in the leather seats. I will cease to wash my own clothes and only use the drive through facility at the laundromat. I will have important business meetings at restaurants where I can arrive late, park directly outside and then strut through the door in a white suit. I will buy red high heels and diamond earrings. I will carry a small shiny handbag. I will laugh with the tall handsome man sitting in the passenger seat. I will park in the driveway of my new dream home. I will drive myself and my new husband away from a cheering crowd at the wedding reception to the fanciest hotel in the universe. I will be knighted and become the Prime Minister. I will be the world's first Dale in Space. I will stand on a platform in a tiara holding flowers and accept my Nobel prize for achieving world peace. After all it is a very powerful car.

Then my brother phoned. He said I'll buy you out and I said ok.

Comments

Martin Kingsley said…
You could always buy a 2005-back-to-1997 SsangYong Chairman, which is a Korean-built luxury car based off the plans and engine for a 1980s E-type Mercedes, but designed to look like an early 1990s S-type Merc. Granted, they look very strange, and you wouldn't buy one if you loved your dog (because it doesn't want to be seen dead in one), but I digress.

My father spent many years selling cars, for various organisations. He once owned a Grosser Mercedes (psychotically overpowered car that was also psychotically heavy). At the time, the only other one in Australia was owned by Bob Jane. A pretty fact, for you, the first Dale in Space.
DS said…
I appreciate your offering of a fact.
I missed the happy birthday boat, alack, but here's a belated toast (with nutella) to the turning over of birthday leaf litter. I have a thing for prime numbers; 31's ever so likely to be grand.

(P.S. Cars schmars. Once you've got one, you never hear the end of it. "Can I have some more insurance?" "A little petrol?" "An oil change?" "A new chamois?" "A wash?" "A service?" "Functional brakes?" Pah.)
Anonymous said…
The most my Father has ever offered me is a cup of tea, and even then only because he was making himself one.

Still, you did well out of it. I have only ever owned two cars in my life, both were Citreons, and both had to be towed away when leaves and weeds started to find their way into the mechanics.

I prefer to have a sex drive to get around rather then an automobile. ;) Rups xo
Gemnastics said…
woot! what a day! you're offered a sexy car, had sexy car taken away again, and in its place a pile of money! all this, from nothing! soup from a stone!
DS said…
What a day indeed. Turned out to be very happy.
NWJR said…
You can't drive the money, and you can't spend the car.