Detective Slamma once again solves the great unsolvable mysteries of the universe


I would like to blame science for most everything. Science does indeed have a lot to answer for but maybe this time the blame lies not with science but with superstition. A certain friend of mine or a person I formerly introduced as friend- the actions and intentions of friendship now seemingly over, is refusing to return phone calls or emails. This sudden shunning of The Slamma arises from no reason that I can fathom, for once in my adult life I have done nothing wrong, spoken no harsh and hasty words, performed no deed of betrayal or excessive mockery, indeed I am exceedingly puzzled.

This sudden and complete banning of all communication coincided with a small project of mine. Those of you attached the umbilical of Fspazbook may be aware of my attempt to develop a crush on Billy Ray Cyrus (so far with no success) but you might not be aware of my endeavour to become superstitious. At the dawn of the new year somewhere in Queensland completely surrounded by hippies I decided that what I most needed was to ward off the evil eye, that and a nice holiday, so I purchased a bracelet, a keyring and a wall hanging all sporting the nifty blue guaranteed to work anti-evil-eye blue bead or nazar boncugu, first devised somewhere near the Aegean thousands of years ago.

When I arrived home from my northern adventure I set to the work of believing and this is when said friend decided that I was no longer a person worth communicating with thus leaving me with the conclusion that perhaps they are evil and have been trying to return my calls but the power of superstition diverts the call to a local pizza house leaving them with no choice but to order pizza. Their entire house is now completely surrounded by pizza boxes and they are unable to leave the house. This is indeed testament to the power of not-science or perhaps I am mistaken there is a perfectly reasonable reason but surely common courtesy demands that they would at least send me a text message telling me to fuck off and outlining the reason as to why?

Did I mention that I am exceedingly puzzled?

Update: I was right! I will now advertise my services as a detective.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Oh Dale...

The person is obviously feeling sick from too much pizza. Offer them some maxalon and you'll be their hero for life.
Anonymous said…
Hi Dale Slamma, apologies for posting a non-topic related comment here but just wanted to apologise (again, twice in one sentence!) if I startled you the other night at the Courty by stopping you and telling you I enjoyed your blog and then continuing on drinking, secure in my own anonymity, whilst possibly making you feel exposed and public. But I do enjoy your writing and was happy to see you in my real world! Cheers, Anonymous (although now revealed by sight at least) Blog-Reader. x.
DS said…
Why thank you kind stranger, I will admit that I did in fact hide inside the pub for quite some time.
Anonymous said…
You've thrown much away and from here, I'd say it's taught you very little. Once you've thrown it away you can't ask or demand it back, it's gone. It's time for you to get a life, grow up and actually achieve something for yourself. Or you can endure more decades of self centred delusions. The choice is yours and the time is now.
DS said…
Dear Anon,

Um, right. Good. Thanks but maybe you could clarify a few things:

1. What have I thrown away?
1a. What is it I am supposed to be asking/demanding to have back?
2. What am I supposed to be achieving?
3. What is it that I am choosing between (very difficult to decide if I am unaware of the choices don't you think)?

Kind Regards
Dale R Slamma